Park51

Park51 (also known as the "Ground Zero Mosque" even though it's not at Ground Zero and is more of a YMCA than a mosque) has been stirring up some controversy lately.

So, naturally, here's my opinion:

It's a municipal zoning issue. That's all it is. Seriously. It's not an attack on America. It's not an affront to the victims of 9/11. It's not a training ground for terrorists. It's a municipal zoning issue.

Does the developer have a right to put it there? Absolutely. Should the developer put it there? At first, I was with a lot of people and said, "maybe it's not wise," but after seeing the other establishments that exist a similar distance from the WTC site and learning that there is a mosque nearby that predates the WTC, I say go for it.

The September 11th terrorist attacks were tragic and cowardly event carried out by extremists -- extremists whose actions were condemned by the vast majority of Muslims around the world. If we are going to judge entire religions by the worst offenses committed by its most extreme sects, then by that logic, no churches, synagogues, mosques, or temples should ever be built, anywhere. No religion has perfectly clean hands, as countless atrocities have been committed in the name of religion over the course of history. The Romans fed Christians to hungry lions as part of a public spectacle. The Christians embarked on the Crusades. The Catholic Church, specifically, had a little thing called the Inquisition. Then there was the Cave of the Patriarchs Massacre where a Jewish gunman opened fire on unarmed Muslims who were praying, resulting in 29 deaths and over 150 injuries. Even the Mormons got involved with the Mountain Meadow Massacre.

Some of these atrocities are worse than others, but my point is that a lot of bad shit has happened in the name of God/Yahweh/Allah/whatever.

By the way, Muslims died in the 9/11 attacks. And I'm not talking about the hijackers. I'm talking about regular people, like you and me, including a police cadet and EMT whose body was found, with his EMT bag -- he was trying to do what he could to save others.

A lot of talking heads -- particularly of the right-wing variety -- have worked tirelessly to unfairly lump the extremist cowards who were behind 9/11 into the same category as the rest of Islam. They make it seem like Osama bin Laden is a spokesperson for the entire Muslim people.

I have a handful of Muslim friends. They are American citizens. They are honest, decent, hard-working people who love America. They're not all that different from you and me. They, much like the people who want to open Park51, are representative of Islam in America. Not every Muslim is an extremist. In fact, very, very few are, and most of those are in the Middle East.

When the Pilgrims landed on our shores in 1621, they were here to escape religious persecution, and as a result, we now live in a country where the freedom to worship however you see fit -- or not worship at all -- is a fundamental right.

And if the opponents of the Park51 project get their way, and the community center (which happens to include space for prayer, but no minarets or anything like that) has to go elsewhere, who is really the winner in that situation?

After all, the people who attacked us on 9/11 were against religious freedom. So what does that say about the desire of so many Americans to deny Muslims the right to gather and worship where they wish in this country?

I'd say that makes us just as bad as the terrorists.

The penguins in my head

This morning I woke up feeling not so great. See, I had gone out to dinner on Sunday and ordered a salad, because this restaurant's house dressing was supposed to be phenomenal.

And it was. The salad was great. And by great, I mean both delicious and huge. I took half of it home with me.

Unfortunately, I let it sit in my truck -- creamy house dressing and all -- for nearly three hours before bringing it inside. That was not a mistake. The mistake was putting it in my refrigerator instead of the trash can.

Last night, without giving much thought to the potential blowback, I ate the rest of that salad, heated-and-then-cooled house dressing and all.

When I woke up, my stomach was quite angry. I'll spare you the details, but what eventually occurred was me sending an e-mail to my co-workers saying I'd be staying home this morning and going back to bed after taking some pepto.

After drifting off to sleep, I began dreaming of a trip to the zoo. But this was no ordinary trip to the zoo. This one ended with a pregnant penguin stowing away in my truck to come live with me.

Now, I realize that in real-life, penguins lay eggs. However, this is my dream, and in my dream, penguins reproduce very quickly and without any sort of birthing or hatching process whatsoever. They were doubling in numbers, over and over, until my house was filled with penguins.

They were everywhere, gentle readers. Everywhere.



I'd open my sock drawer. Penguins. Look in the microwave. Penguins. Under the sink. Penguins. In the dryer. Penguins. In the fridge. Of course there are penguins there. They love the cold. My air conditioner was running at full capacity. The water bill was sky high. I couldn't sit on the couch anymore. There were too many penguins on it. At one point, I tried putting them all in the basement, but they just crawled up through the ducts.

And they'd peck at me with their sharp little beaks because I was in their way, ignorant of the fact that this was MY house. Not theirs. You can't reason with a penguin.

I tried calling every zoo in the country -- nobody wanted the penguins. They had plenty already. Sea World didn't want them either. I thought about shipping them to Antarctica...

And then I woke up.

The moral of the story: never welcome a penguin into your home. They are nothing but trouble.