An Open Letter...

Dear fellow St. Louisans (and other people who aren't St. Louisans but live in the metro area so they say they are, because apparently proximity counts for such things),

It rained last night. That's cool. I don't mind. It's part of nature's process. We need rain. Rain has been occurring since before humans evolved into the fleshy bipeds we are today.

Over a century ago, some of our fellow fleshy bipeds invented such great things as automobiles and paved roads.

Given that cars and roads and rain have coexisted for so long, why the fuck don't you know how to operate motor vehicles on wet roads?

Seriously people. If there's one thing I've learned from living on the south side and working on the north side, it's that if any form of precipitation whatsoever falls from the sky within 12 hours of rush hour, you are instantly rendered totally incapable of operating a car without hitting someone else, flipping it over, or running off the road.

While I've grown accustomed to your collective incompetence, and have begun scheduling my commute to avoid being on the roads at the same time as most of you, today really took the cake. It wasn't raining. It wasn't snowing. It wasn't even cold enough for frost to form on my windshield. It wasn't sunny, either, so you can't blame the sun for being in your eyes. The road wasn't even really all that wet. It was moist. Not wet. Moist.

I left my house at 7:30 -- about ten minutes later than usual, but I've got a busy day at work, so I wanted to make sure Doc had all the time he needed outside. And then I got on the highway and proceeded to go four miles in 45 minutes. There are plenty of people who can run faster than that. I'm not saying I'm one of them, but I am saying that those people exist.

I turned on the radio to hear that one jackass wrecked in the depressed section, blocking all but the right-hand shoulder in the process. And if that wasn't enough, two more jackasses had also wrecked, one at Madison and another at West Florissant -- both of which are on my route, mind you.

So really people, what the hell is wrong with you? You act like you've never seen rain before. There are some places in the world that receive so little rainfall that when the rain finally does come, it shuts down the entire town, because people don't know how to get around in the mud.

I think those folks are on to something: if you can't handle the rain, or if you can't evolve to deal with an inevitable natural phenomenon, just stay the fuck home.

Sincerely,

Me

The Oscars

My thoughts on the Oscars:

Thanks to the Academy for giving Avatar exactly what it deserved: some technical and artistic awards and that's all. As my friend Tara said, "I liked Avatar a lot better the first time I saw it, when it was called Dances With Wolves." She's not alone in that opinion, either. Also, my faith in the Academy was restored by the simple fact that they didn't give the top honors to James Cameron just because he broke every single box office record. To do so would be demeaning to the art and science that is cinema.

I was disappointed to see Up In The Air get completely shut out. Sure, some of that is because most of it was filmed right here in St. Louis, but also, I think if we were to pick one movie to sum up our society in 2009, Up In The Air would be it.

The Hurt Locker was clearly the year's biggest winner. While I have not seen it (yet) all reports are that it is an incredible movie, and given the subject matter, notably non-political. It must be good, since it received a Tomatometer rating of 97%.

Things I liked about the show: not much, really. Although the tribute to John Hughes was kind of touching. Oh, and Neil Patrick Harris. He should open every awards show.

Things I didn't like: where to begin? I guess I'll start with the Best Actor/Actress introductions. I don't care about what great people these performers are. They're being honored for pretending to be others. Just read their names, show some clips, and be done with it. Or do it the same way as the Best Picture, with each nominee getting his or her own short highlight reel throughout the show. Also, what was up with that stupid dance number during the Best Score category? Lame. That whole category should get, at most, two minutes. We don't need a whole freaking dance troupe performing their interpretation of the scores. Oh, and the In Memoriam segment was botched yet again. Every year they screw this up. They cut off the first couple of people by showing the musician or the audience or whatever, and the only people who end up getting to see every single person in that slideshow are the people right there in the theater. So yeah, Academy, stop it.

I guess that's all I have to say.

Oh, and The Dude abides.