My Christmas Letter

I'm not what you'd call a Christmas letter kind of guy. I tried it once. It was an astonishing failure. Or not. I can't really remember. All I recall is that after all the letters were printed, I still had far more snowflake-bordered stationery left over than any straight man should.

So here's my holiday blog entry.

2010!

It was quite a year. In January, I did some stuff. I really can't remember what. Seriously. I have no freaking clue. I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast, let alone what I was doing eleven months ago. Gimme a break here! I probably bitched and moaned about snow and cold and windows that leaked all the time. Yeah. That's most likely what my January involved. Oh, and on MLK Day I continued my tradition of not participating in the annual day of service. I realize that I'm kind of a shit bag.

February was about the same as January. Mostly a cold blur. I probably did my taxes and got a fatty-fat refund check. I was single on Valentine's Day yet again. Actually, I've never not been single on Valentine's Day, so pretty much everything was normal. Also, I probably bitched and moaned about snow and cold and windows that leaked all the time.

Oh -- I do remember this part -- starting March 1st, I decided to stop eating fast food. My landscaping work also picked up again. Lots of mulching and stuff occurred during March.

The self-imposed fast-food fast lasted until April 20-something-or-other, when I had a root canal, and needed to eat something with the pain killers so I didn't pass out during the 10 minute drive home. The root canal also put me in contact with a great new dentist who I really like a lot. Why? Because even without having seen me on a regular basis, he provided me a referral to have a root canal done at the endodontic clinic at SLU.

April also provided me with my favorite interaction with my boss (Joel) so far this year:

Joel: I hear you had a root canal!
Bob: Yeah, sure did.
Joel: Where did you have it done?
Bob: At SLU.
Joel: I didn't know they had a dental program there.
Bob: They don't.
Joel: (Silence, accompanied by a horrified look on his face.)

I should explain that they do have a school for advanced dental education at SLU, but not a traditional dental school. This is where dentists go to become specialists, such as endodontists, orthodontists, periodontists, etc. It's an awesome place, the care is excellent and affordable, and the staff is very friendly.

April also brought my friend Liz into town. She stayed for a couple of days. It's always good to see Liz. Too bad she lives far, far away.

May brought more lawns, which was good, as I now had a root canal and crown to pay off. Yes, I have dental coverage. It just sucks.

June, July, and August were pretty much uniform -- I sat behind a desk from 8 to 5 and walked behind a mower from about 5:30 to 9. Oh, I also had to have some more dental work done -- several new fillings and others that needed to be replaced.

By September, my dental coverage was maxed out.

In October I turned 31. Huzzah. I also Halloweened it up. That was fun. I like Halloween. A lot. I was a jellyfish. Doc was a shark.

Speaking of Doc, I had to have him put down in November. He was very old and very sick. I spent the first few days after putting him down crying almost constantly whenever I was at home, alone. I still miss him terribly, as he was my best friend. However, as time passes, I'm realizing that I absolutely did the right thing. The right thing isn't always the easiest.

December has been full of lights and tinsel and other holiday shit, all of it belonging to other people. I don't decorate. Who do I have to decorate for? Seriously. December has also had a lot of awkward conversations when someone will ask me how Doc is doing. I am viewing this as an opportunity to become a gracious individual, and not as an opportunity to flip out on someone because how could you not freaking know that I had my dog put to sleep and it was the hardest thing I've ever done you insensitive prick?!?!

Ahem. Pardon me. I should point out that it's a work in progress.

I also bought new windows this year. It's much quieter in my my house now. And not at all drafty, so that's cool.

My family has been up to some stuff. My mom had some sort of surgery on her eyes, I think. She doesn't wear her glasses anymore, so maybe it was a lasik surgery? I don't know. Maybe she just lost her glasses. Who knows? My brother lives with her, which is good. My sisters also still exist. My niece turned 16 and was given a brand new car for her birthday, which I'm pretty sure she thinks is perfectly normal. Also, the gift has set an expensive precedent for the person who bought the vehicle, since I also have two nephews who will be turning 16 in the next few years.

Let's see... Did I forget anyone?

No. No I did not.

Merry whatever.