Baby Boom

There's something in the water. And that something is semen.

I'm at that point in my life where most of my friends are married and are now starting to have kids. Because, you know, the late 20s/early 30s seems to be the time when everyone wants to get married and procreate.

Okay. Whatever. I'm down with that. I mean, for some couples, getting a puppy isn't enough. But anyway, I'm really glad that, during these wedding and babymaking years, I'm a guy.

See, guys don't have to go to showers. The only shower that is expected of us is the one we're supposed to take once a day to keep from smelling like death. No toilet paper wedding dresses for us. No bow bouquets. No weird baby games. Seriously. None of that crap. And for this I am grateful.

No, all that is expected of men before these major life events is our attendance at a bachelor party. Which, as you know, is much different than a bridal shower or a baby shower.

I'm also glad I'm a morally ambiguous person, so nobody asks me to be a godparent. I have one godchild -- my nephew Chris -- and I think he and I both understand that I'm really not the person he should be going to for spiritual guidance. Although he does despise going to church, so I guess there is a parallel there -- a parallel for which I claim zero responsibility.

Guys have it very easy. We just have to show up once, and even then, drunkenness is an expectation.

It's good to be a guy.