Tonight I had a visitor. It was the local paper delivery man. He looked haggard and beaten down. In one hand was a can of diet, caffeine-free soda (presumably because he'll have to be at work in eight hours), and in the other was a lit cigarette and a clipboard full of subscription forms.
As I opened the door, Doc lunged at him. That's what Doc does when a salesman or churchie comes to the door. He lunges. It's an endearing trait of his. Granted, Doc never bites -- only barks -- but he lunges nonetheless.
The guy started to tell me how he's been delivering the Post-Dispatch and Suburban Journals for over 30 years. He then tells me that the Suburban Journals are no longer free -- that if I wanted to keep receiving my weekly paper, I would have to subscribe.
"Good," I told him. "That thing would always go straight in the recycle bin. You can keep it."
See, I believe in honesty. Brutal honesty. Especially with salespeople. Particularly those who come to my door. That's why I told him that my employer participates in the newspapers for education program, and I can get a free copy of the Post-Dispatch, the New York Times, and USA Today in the lobby of my building five days a week. And I told him that I really don't read the Sunday paper. And then I told him what I know he didn't want to hear -- but what he needed to hear, and is probably hearing a lot:
"Also, I read the Post-Dispatch online."
He chided me for that. Chided! He told me that's not what you tell someone in his line of business. I told him I'm being up-front with him. He told me (again) that he's been delivering the paper to this route for over 30 years, and if he was blind, he could still hit the door. While this didn't impress me at all (since the Suburban Journal has not once been anywhere remotely near my door) I told him that I'd buy the Sunday paper from him for the coupons, since I do like to save money on stuff.
Then he wanted me to pay him in cash. Or by check. Or with a credit card. Right there. On my porch. Like 20 minutes ago.
I told him no thanks, and that the Post-Dispatch could send me a bill, which I would happily pay.
He persisted. I informed him that when I lived in Maplewood, the Post-Dispatch sent me a bill for a brand new subscription, and there weren't any problems with that. He said, "come on man, I'm struggling here -- I thought you were doing this for me."
Let's stop right here. If you are a door-to-door salesman, or if you are something else entirely but are somehow required to do door-to-door sales (such as a paper delivery person), and you are unlucky enough to land on my doorstep, don't insult my intelligence by trying to make the situation personal. It will make me immediately not want to buy your product and shut the door in your face.
The delivery man turned sales guy then proceeded to argue with me some more, even going so far as to say he'd wait for me, right there, on my porch, while I got my checkbook. I again said, "if the Post-Dispatch could bill me for a new subscription three years ago, they can do it now."
Then he said, "you're wasting my time," and walked away, ashing his cigarette on my porch.
Now, I know that occasionally, employees of the Post-Dispatch read this blog. Take note: I know times are tough for print media. Times are tough for everyone. Right now is a shitty time to exist, financially speaking. That being said, if you want to sell subscriptions, don't send the delivery guy door-to-door.
Your delivery guys are creepy. I know, I know, they work really hard for their money, just like everyone else. But if you're trying to drum up business, and you want to catch people while they're sitting at home eating dinner, don't send the chain smoker who has been up since 3 AM. By this time of day, he's cranky. Maybe he's always cranky. Who knows? I'm sure part of it is that he's sick of hearing assholes like me tell him that they get their news online.
And why do we get our news online? I do it because it's free. Also, it's more environmentally friendly. And it's free. And it's easy to find what I'm looking for. And it's free. And I don't have tons of newspapers piled up every day. And did I mention that it's free? No? Well, it is.
I'm sorry that print media is dying. I really am.
Actually, no, scratch that. Print media isn't dying. It is in its final death throes. But I'm still sorry. It's a consequence of progress, though. So, Post-Dispatch, if you want my help rearranging the deck chairs on your quickly sinking Titanic, don't send someone creepy to my door. It makes me like you less.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Monday, June 08, 2009
Window Shopping
I'm looking for new windows for my house. My current windows are aluminum-framed single-pane windows. They leak heat like a sieve. All the screens are missing, too, so if I want to open the windows, I'm opening my home to everything that flies through the air.
Over the last couple of months, I've been gathering estimates from different companies. Here's what I've got so far:
New Transitions, LLC, St. Charles, MO - $3,838 for seven CertainTeed windows, including installation and removal and replacement of awnings outside. The company's owner, Bryan, came by my house when he was in the neighborhood, and gave me a free estimate. Very professional and extremely friendly, and I may be willing to pay more to support a locally-owned company.
Champion Windows - $4,200 for seven Champion Comfort 365 windows, plus an extra $279 for removing and replacing the awnings. Of all the products I've seen, this was my favorite, but I'm not totally convinced the extra cost is worth it. Additionally, the salesman respected my intelligence and was totally on the ball -- every question I asked, he answered without hesitation. And I asked lots of questions (I was at their showroom for two hours). He almost gave me too much information on their company and their product.
Drunk contractor at a bar - $1,900 for seven Cardinal windows. However, this guy didn't even take a look at my house, much less measure the windows, so I'm sure this would end up in court. I won't be using him.
Lowes - $1,650 for Wellcraft windows plus $139 per window for installation. Total job cost: about $2,800. The Lowes price was originally $1,900 plus installation, but the guy at the millworks desk made some money-saving adjustments on my large living room window (it's 96" wide and 48" high) and called me back later with the adjusted price. I really appreciated that he kept working on my estimate for a couple of hours after I left the store. However, I am concerned about the quality of the windows. Are windows from Lowes as good as windows from other sources?
Thomas Construction - this one was downright funny. The guy spent all of ten minutes at my house because Doc, my senile and normally docile dog, would not let him come inside. So the guy measured a couple of windows (not all of them) and came back to the door with a number scribbled on his business card. $11,394. However, he said that if I signed a contract before he left, they could do the job for $6,800. I told him that wouldn't be necessary, and I wouldn't waste any more of his time.
I can't believe that people really fall for the high-pressure sales tactics of Thomas Construction. They must, otherwise, Thomas wouldn't be able to stay in business. I guess St. Louis is full of suckers who will pay over $1,000 per window without considering alternatives. Obviously, I'm not one of those people.
I've received four estimates already, and plan to get at least two more, from Dalco and Window World. I may even get a few more after that.
Over the last couple of months, I've been gathering estimates from different companies. Here's what I've got so far:
New Transitions, LLC, St. Charles, MO - $3,838 for seven CertainTeed windows, including installation and removal and replacement of awnings outside. The company's owner, Bryan, came by my house when he was in the neighborhood, and gave me a free estimate. Very professional and extremely friendly, and I may be willing to pay more to support a locally-owned company.
Champion Windows - $4,200 for seven Champion Comfort 365 windows, plus an extra $279 for removing and replacing the awnings. Of all the products I've seen, this was my favorite, but I'm not totally convinced the extra cost is worth it. Additionally, the salesman respected my intelligence and was totally on the ball -- every question I asked, he answered without hesitation. And I asked lots of questions (I was at their showroom for two hours). He almost gave me too much information on their company and their product.
Drunk contractor at a bar - $1,900 for seven Cardinal windows. However, this guy didn't even take a look at my house, much less measure the windows, so I'm sure this would end up in court. I won't be using him.
Lowes - $1,650 for Wellcraft windows plus $139 per window for installation. Total job cost: about $2,800. The Lowes price was originally $1,900 plus installation, but the guy at the millworks desk made some money-saving adjustments on my large living room window (it's 96" wide and 48" high) and called me back later with the adjusted price. I really appreciated that he kept working on my estimate for a couple of hours after I left the store. However, I am concerned about the quality of the windows. Are windows from Lowes as good as windows from other sources?
Thomas Construction - this one was downright funny. The guy spent all of ten minutes at my house because Doc, my senile and normally docile dog, would not let him come inside. So the guy measured a couple of windows (not all of them) and came back to the door with a number scribbled on his business card. $11,394. However, he said that if I signed a contract before he left, they could do the job for $6,800. I told him that wouldn't be necessary, and I wouldn't waste any more of his time.
I can't believe that people really fall for the high-pressure sales tactics of Thomas Construction. They must, otherwise, Thomas wouldn't be able to stay in business. I guess St. Louis is full of suckers who will pay over $1,000 per window without considering alternatives. Obviously, I'm not one of those people.
I've received four estimates already, and plan to get at least two more, from Dalco and Window World. I may even get a few more after that.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
City Living
I have officially been a resident of the city of Saint Louis for almost eight months now, and I've learned that there are some unwritten rules for living here.
1.) Good fences definitely make good neighbors, so if you have a fence (and if you live in the city, you probably do), keep the weeds trimmed on your side.
2.) The alley isn't your personal space. If you have a grassy plot adjacent to the alley, sure, use it for whatever, but don't park your vehicle right in the middle of the alley.
3.) Also, don't walk down the alley. There are plenty of sidewalks to use. Also, walking down the alley riles up all the dogs on any given block.
4.) Many homes in the city have garages. Many more don't. For those homes without garages or driveways, street parking is the only other option. When you and your neighbors have to park on the street, the unwritten rule is that the area directly in front of your house is yours. Sure, I realize this is not enforceable in any court of law, but 99% of the time everyone will abide by this. It is easy to spot the newcomers to any street because they will, more often than not, park in front of two houses at once.
5.) It is good to know the people who live in front of, behind, and to the sides of your house. They will look out for your interests and you will look out for theirs because they are one in the same.
6.) If you live on a side street (like me -- Pennsylvania Avenue) don't hold your breath waiting for a snow plow. It will never come. The city says it will, but it is best to operate under the assumption that the city only has one snow plow. While city employees may not technically be lying when they say that your street will get plowed eventually, what they omit from this statement is that by the time "eventually" rolls around, it is July.
7.) Don't be afraid to dial 911 if something seems sketchy. Sure, you can call the police department's non-emergency numbers, but they're just going to tell you to hang up and dial 911.
8.) If you're hosting a party, barbecue, seance, or AA meeting at your house, inform your neighbors so they know that there will be a few extra cars parked on your street, but that it won't be a long-term thing. Nothing sucks more than to leave to get some groceries only to come back and find that some stranger from the county has parked midway between your house and your neighbor's house, making it impossible for any other vehicles to fit there, and then having to walk around the block with five bags of produce and frozen food.
9.) For the love of all things holy, don't try to make a U-turn in the middle of a block on a side street. Just go down to the next intersection and turn around there.
10.) If you're going to have some sort of outdoor gathering in your back yard, invite your neighbors. That way, they can't complain about the noise, since A) they knew about the party in advance, or B) they'll be there having a good time.
Do any of my fellow city-dwellers have anything to add? Specifically, I'm looking for St. Louis city dwellers, but if there are any opinions from other areas (NYC and Chicago friends, I'm looking at you), I'd love to hear your tips, too.
1.) Good fences definitely make good neighbors, so if you have a fence (and if you live in the city, you probably do), keep the weeds trimmed on your side.
2.) The alley isn't your personal space. If you have a grassy plot adjacent to the alley, sure, use it for whatever, but don't park your vehicle right in the middle of the alley.
3.) Also, don't walk down the alley. There are plenty of sidewalks to use. Also, walking down the alley riles up all the dogs on any given block.
4.) Many homes in the city have garages. Many more don't. For those homes without garages or driveways, street parking is the only other option. When you and your neighbors have to park on the street, the unwritten rule is that the area directly in front of your house is yours. Sure, I realize this is not enforceable in any court of law, but 99% of the time everyone will abide by this. It is easy to spot the newcomers to any street because they will, more often than not, park in front of two houses at once.
5.) It is good to know the people who live in front of, behind, and to the sides of your house. They will look out for your interests and you will look out for theirs because they are one in the same.
6.) If you live on a side street (like me -- Pennsylvania Avenue) don't hold your breath waiting for a snow plow. It will never come. The city says it will, but it is best to operate under the assumption that the city only has one snow plow. While city employees may not technically be lying when they say that your street will get plowed eventually, what they omit from this statement is that by the time "eventually" rolls around, it is July.
7.) Don't be afraid to dial 911 if something seems sketchy. Sure, you can call the police department's non-emergency numbers, but they're just going to tell you to hang up and dial 911.
8.) If you're hosting a party, barbecue, seance, or AA meeting at your house, inform your neighbors so they know that there will be a few extra cars parked on your street, but that it won't be a long-term thing. Nothing sucks more than to leave to get some groceries only to come back and find that some stranger from the county has parked midway between your house and your neighbor's house, making it impossible for any other vehicles to fit there, and then having to walk around the block with five bags of produce and frozen food.
9.) For the love of all things holy, don't try to make a U-turn in the middle of a block on a side street. Just go down to the next intersection and turn around there.
10.) If you're going to have some sort of outdoor gathering in your back yard, invite your neighbors. That way, they can't complain about the noise, since A) they knew about the party in advance, or B) they'll be there having a good time.
Do any of my fellow city-dwellers have anything to add? Specifically, I'm looking for St. Louis city dwellers, but if there are any opinions from other areas (NYC and Chicago friends, I'm looking at you), I'd love to hear your tips, too.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Current
I really like Current. I'm finding that my TV is tuned to that station more and more. The vast majority of the programming is insightful, informative, and entertaining. And, as an added bonus, there aren't a lot of commercials.
Vanguard Journalism -- think Channel One for adults. It's in-depth journalism at its finest. To give you an idea of the stories this program covers, two regular Vanguard contributors, Laura Ling (yeah, that's Lisa Ling's little sister) and Euna Lee were arrested and detained by the North Korean military for "hostile actions" -- in other words, they were taken into custody for doing a story about people escaping from North Korea. They are still being held, and haven't had access to any representatives of western nations since March 30th (which is a violation of international law, but hey, it's North Korea -- since when have they honored international law?)
Infomania is a humorous look at the week's news -- sort of a hybrid of The Daily Show and Best Week ever. It also features great segments like Sarah Haskins' "Target Women."
SuperNews is a weekly animated show that is, simply put, too good to miss. While everything is a potential punchline for this show, it seems like Ashton Kutcher, Twitter, and hipsters are most frequently on the butt-end of the jokes.
Speaking of hipsters, there is one show I don't like so much. Described on the show's website as "A late-night hour of short form docs from around the world, curated by Max and Jason, two twenty-something dilettantes whose tastes run the gamut from pretty women to the meaning of life," Max and Jason: Still Up is nothing more than Max and Jason, a couple of hipsterish douchebags (who were college buddies), sitting in chairs while introducing video clips that other people made. Fittingly enough, the program is sponsored by Axe hair products.
Great. Just what I want to see. A couple of self-involved dudes in plaid shirts and trucker hats pondering the meaning of life and making confused movie references. Example, last night they were discussing lawnmower racing and one of them mentioned a "Forrest Gump lawnmower," confusing Forrest Gump with The Straight Story, a movie about a man riding his lawnmower from Iowa to Wisconsin. I know, I may be nitpicking, but I'm also a firm believer that if you're going to try to make a funny movie reference, you should at least know which movie you're referencing. Anyway, I get the distinct impression from watching Max and Jason that they just walk into the studio to do their show with zero prep. Lots of "umms" and "uhhhs" and even more fidgeting. Jesus, guys, you're getting paid to do this show. At least try to act more professional than a high school video productions class.
Despite my disdain for Max and Jason (along with my envy, because I could totally do what they do, and it would be better, and less fidgety), Current is an awesome channel. I'm addicted.
Vanguard Journalism -- think Channel One for adults. It's in-depth journalism at its finest. To give you an idea of the stories this program covers, two regular Vanguard contributors, Laura Ling (yeah, that's Lisa Ling's little sister) and Euna Lee were arrested and detained by the North Korean military for "hostile actions" -- in other words, they were taken into custody for doing a story about people escaping from North Korea. They are still being held, and haven't had access to any representatives of western nations since March 30th (which is a violation of international law, but hey, it's North Korea -- since when have they honored international law?)
Infomania is a humorous look at the week's news -- sort of a hybrid of The Daily Show and Best Week ever. It also features great segments like Sarah Haskins' "Target Women."
SuperNews is a weekly animated show that is, simply put, too good to miss. While everything is a potential punchline for this show, it seems like Ashton Kutcher, Twitter, and hipsters are most frequently on the butt-end of the jokes.
Speaking of hipsters, there is one show I don't like so much. Described on the show's website as "A late-night hour of short form docs from around the world, curated by Max and Jason, two twenty-something dilettantes whose tastes run the gamut from pretty women to the meaning of life," Max and Jason: Still Up is nothing more than Max and Jason, a couple of hipsterish douchebags (who were college buddies), sitting in chairs while introducing video clips that other people made. Fittingly enough, the program is sponsored by Axe hair products.
Great. Just what I want to see. A couple of self-involved dudes in plaid shirts and trucker hats pondering the meaning of life and making confused movie references. Example, last night they were discussing lawnmower racing and one of them mentioned a "Forrest Gump lawnmower," confusing Forrest Gump with The Straight Story, a movie about a man riding his lawnmower from Iowa to Wisconsin. I know, I may be nitpicking, but I'm also a firm believer that if you're going to try to make a funny movie reference, you should at least know which movie you're referencing. Anyway, I get the distinct impression from watching Max and Jason that they just walk into the studio to do their show with zero prep. Lots of "umms" and "uhhhs" and even more fidgeting. Jesus, guys, you're getting paid to do this show. At least try to act more professional than a high school video productions class.
Despite my disdain for Max and Jason (along with my envy, because I could totally do what they do, and it would be better, and less fidgety), Current is an awesome channel. I'm addicted.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
It takes all kinds?
Last night at Schnucks, I encountered a south city version of my mom.
I was standing in the checkout line and the lady in front of me had in her hands two 20 ounce bottles of soda and a candy bar. When her purchase was rung up, she paid for it by writing out a check.
She did not know the date.
She also wrote the check out for ten dollars over the purchase amount.
I called my mom to tell her about this.
"I just did that at the grocery store this morning," she said.
"I know," I replied, "you always do that."
Seriously, she's done that for years. It's humorous because the same exact thing can be accomplished in one tenth of the time with a debit card. Plus, really, what are you going to do with ten bucks these days? I know ten bucks wouldn't get me very far. It would buy me lunch, but not a lunch I would want to eat. Then again, my mother and her gang of similarly-aged ladyfriends could probably stretch that ten bucks out for days.
This would be the point at which some people would just say, "it takes all kinds!" and move on, because I'll be the first to admit that this story doesn't have much of a point. Yet.
What's up with that phrase, anyway?
"It takes all kinds."
What takes all kinds? All kinds of what? What the hell? Is this supposed to mean something, or are these just words people say when they're bored with what another person is saying with the hope that it will make that person shut up? Maybe it's just a response used by people who don't pick up on the cue that the preceding sentiments were open-ended, meant to incite discussion rather than solicit a specific response.
I didn't write about my mother because I was hoping someone would tell me why people of a certain age do something (although if you are an anthropologist, sociologist, or psychologist, please feel free to weigh in). I wrote about her because I thought it was funny and wanted to share it with you, and perhaps encourage you to tell me that your 66 year old mother also does that very same thing. And if your mother does that very same thing, I bet she also pronounces the word sundae as sun-duh.
I do, however, want specific answers to the "it takes all kinds" queries above. I will also accept your comments on other phrases and their various uses, such as "out of pocket" (I've heard it used to describe someone who was unavailable), "another day in paradise" (workplace context only, please), or "what can you do?"
Okay, go.
I was standing in the checkout line and the lady in front of me had in her hands two 20 ounce bottles of soda and a candy bar. When her purchase was rung up, she paid for it by writing out a check.
She did not know the date.
She also wrote the check out for ten dollars over the purchase amount.
I called my mom to tell her about this.
"I just did that at the grocery store this morning," she said.
"I know," I replied, "you always do that."
Seriously, she's done that for years. It's humorous because the same exact thing can be accomplished in one tenth of the time with a debit card. Plus, really, what are you going to do with ten bucks these days? I know ten bucks wouldn't get me very far. It would buy me lunch, but not a lunch I would want to eat. Then again, my mother and her gang of similarly-aged ladyfriends could probably stretch that ten bucks out for days.
This would be the point at which some people would just say, "it takes all kinds!" and move on, because I'll be the first to admit that this story doesn't have much of a point. Yet.
What's up with that phrase, anyway?
"It takes all kinds."
What takes all kinds? All kinds of what? What the hell? Is this supposed to mean something, or are these just words people say when they're bored with what another person is saying with the hope that it will make that person shut up? Maybe it's just a response used by people who don't pick up on the cue that the preceding sentiments were open-ended, meant to incite discussion rather than solicit a specific response.
I didn't write about my mother because I was hoping someone would tell me why people of a certain age do something (although if you are an anthropologist, sociologist, or psychologist, please feel free to weigh in). I wrote about her because I thought it was funny and wanted to share it with you, and perhaps encourage you to tell me that your 66 year old mother also does that very same thing. And if your mother does that very same thing, I bet she also pronounces the word sundae as sun-duh.
I do, however, want specific answers to the "it takes all kinds" queries above. I will also accept your comments on other phrases and their various uses, such as "out of pocket" (I've heard it used to describe someone who was unavailable), "another day in paradise" (workplace context only, please), or "what can you do?"
Okay, go.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Baby Boom
There's something in the water. And that something is semen.
I'm at that point in my life where most of my friends are married and are now starting to have kids. Because, you know, the late 20s/early 30s seems to be the time when everyone wants to get married and procreate.
Okay. Whatever. I'm down with that. I mean, for some couples, getting a puppy isn't enough. But anyway, I'm really glad that, during these wedding and babymaking years, I'm a guy.
See, guys don't have to go to showers. The only shower that is expected of us is the one we're supposed to take once a day to keep from smelling like death. No toilet paper wedding dresses for us. No bow bouquets. No weird baby games. Seriously. None of that crap. And for this I am grateful.
No, all that is expected of men before these major life events is our attendance at a bachelor party. Which, as you know, is much different than a bridal shower or a baby shower.
I'm also glad I'm a morally ambiguous person, so nobody asks me to be a godparent. I have one godchild -- my nephew Chris -- and I think he and I both understand that I'm really not the person he should be going to for spiritual guidance. Although he does despise going to church, so I guess there is a parallel there -- a parallel for which I claim zero responsibility.
Guys have it very easy. We just have to show up once, and even then, drunkenness is an expectation.
It's good to be a guy.
I'm at that point in my life where most of my friends are married and are now starting to have kids. Because, you know, the late 20s/early 30s seems to be the time when everyone wants to get married and procreate.
Okay. Whatever. I'm down with that. I mean, for some couples, getting a puppy isn't enough. But anyway, I'm really glad that, during these wedding and babymaking years, I'm a guy.
See, guys don't have to go to showers. The only shower that is expected of us is the one we're supposed to take once a day to keep from smelling like death. No toilet paper wedding dresses for us. No bow bouquets. No weird baby games. Seriously. None of that crap. And for this I am grateful.
No, all that is expected of men before these major life events is our attendance at a bachelor party. Which, as you know, is much different than a bridal shower or a baby shower.
I'm also glad I'm a morally ambiguous person, so nobody asks me to be a godparent. I have one godchild -- my nephew Chris -- and I think he and I both understand that I'm really not the person he should be going to for spiritual guidance. Although he does despise going to church, so I guess there is a parallel there -- a parallel for which I claim zero responsibility.
Guys have it very easy. We just have to show up once, and even then, drunkenness is an expectation.
It's good to be a guy.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The things we learn from teevee...
Last night, the teevee (specifically, How I Met Your Mother) taught me all about Murtaugh Lists.
The Murtaugh List, named after the Lethal Weapon character, LAPD Detective Roger Murtaugh, is a list of things you're too old to do. Because throughout the series, Detective Murtaugh's catch phrase is "I'm gettin' too old for this shit!"
So I started thinking (like the rest of the blogosphere -- I never claimed this would be original) about what is on my Murtaugh List. And I came up with the following:
- Staying up past midnight when I have to be at work at 8.
- Sleeping on couches.
- Consuming any beverage described as “jungle juice.”
- Living in squalor.
- Sleeping past 9 AM (note that there are a few circumstances where it’s okay to wake up before 9 and then go back to bed to take an extended nap until noon or so – these circumstances are called “weekends.”)
- Taking my laundry to my mom’s house.
- Driving a vehicle with more than two bumper stickers. I have two on mine as of right now – one for Jay Nixon, one for Barack Obama.
- Drinking games.
- Consuming any Hostess product.
- Eating any breakfast cereal that has less than 5% fiber.
- Eating gas station cuisine.
- Playing touch football – because we all know “touch” means “full contact.”
- Horseplay of any sort.
- Most of the programming on MTV.
- Silly ringtones.
- Wearing any clothing that has a cartoon character on it (yes, this includes my Bear-Shark and Bad Graphics Ghost shirts)
- Paying money to see any movie with Vin Diesel.
- Z 107.7
- The club scene.
I posted this on Facebook (another thing that should possibly be on the lists of many individuals), and one friend -- who is 31 -- pointed out to me that this past weekend, she spent time watching the first season of Freakazoid while laying on an air mattress.
It could have been worse -- she could have spent that time watching cartoons featuring younger versions of already-established characters (think Muppet Babies, Flintstone Kids, Little Rosie, Tiny Toon Adventures, etc.)
But really, I guess age is more of a state of mind. And, as a few people pointed out, the only thing on their Murtaugh List is minors.
The Murtaugh List, named after the Lethal Weapon character, LAPD Detective Roger Murtaugh, is a list of things you're too old to do. Because throughout the series, Detective Murtaugh's catch phrase is "I'm gettin' too old for this shit!"
So I started thinking (like the rest of the blogosphere -- I never claimed this would be original) about what is on my Murtaugh List. And I came up with the following:
- Staying up past midnight when I have to be at work at 8.
- Sleeping on couches.
- Consuming any beverage described as “jungle juice.”
- Living in squalor.
- Sleeping past 9 AM (note that there are a few circumstances where it’s okay to wake up before 9 and then go back to bed to take an extended nap until noon or so – these circumstances are called “weekends.”)
- Taking my laundry to my mom’s house.
- Driving a vehicle with more than two bumper stickers. I have two on mine as of right now – one for Jay Nixon, one for Barack Obama.
- Drinking games.
- Consuming any Hostess product.
- Eating any breakfast cereal that has less than 5% fiber.
- Eating gas station cuisine.
- Playing touch football – because we all know “touch” means “full contact.”
- Horseplay of any sort.
- Most of the programming on MTV.
- Silly ringtones.
- Wearing any clothing that has a cartoon character on it (yes, this includes my Bear-Shark and Bad Graphics Ghost shirts)
- Paying money to see any movie with Vin Diesel.
- Z 107.7
- The club scene.
I posted this on Facebook (another thing that should possibly be on the lists of many individuals), and one friend -- who is 31 -- pointed out to me that this past weekend, she spent time watching the first season of Freakazoid while laying on an air mattress.
It could have been worse -- she could have spent that time watching cartoons featuring younger versions of already-established characters (think Muppet Babies, Flintstone Kids, Little Rosie, Tiny Toon Adventures, etc.)
But really, I guess age is more of a state of mind. And, as a few people pointed out, the only thing on their Murtaugh List is minors.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
